FeatheredLetters

I'm just tired of it being so dark and you being so far away.

Thu, 10 Jan 2013 23:46:08 -0500

hplyrikz: The best quotes on Tumblr.

Thu, 22 Nov 2012 17:21:26 -0500

hplyrikz:

The best quotes on Tumblr.

Photo

Thu, 22 Nov 2012 17:20:13 -0500

aseaofquotes: Sarah Addison Allen, The Girl Who Chased the...

Thu, 22 Nov 2012 17:19:59 -0500

aseaofquotes:

Sarah Addison Allen, The Girl Who Chased the Moon

I honestly don’t know if i’m going to live through the holidays this year. I’m...

Thu, 22 Nov 2012 17:19:03 -0500

I honestly don’t know if i’m going to live through the holidays this year. I’m incredibly lovesick right now. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I’ve got the same thing rolling through my mind over and over again. I find myself wanting to be alone, or with you. Anyone else is just unwelcome. I miss my family, but i can’t force myself to drive back out there and hang out with them. My siblings aren’t there, and i’ll be just as alone. Not lonely. I love my family, but I just wish there was someone there with me. I want to share inside jokes with you and introduce you to the people that made me who I am. I want to sit at the table and play games with you and cuddle on my couch after we get back to my place. We would be so full that we’d just sit there watching a movie. Comfortable, happy. I’m sitting in my room alone. Door closed. I don’t even know what to do with myself. This must be what it feels like to be far away from everyone you know and love. I’m just waiting for you to pull up to my house and save me, even though i’m completely aware that won’t happen. But I wish it would. Even if it was just this once.

You lived an hour away and I couldn’t make myself want to drive to see you. He lived 8 hours...

Wed, 07 Nov 2012 23:54:42 -0500

You lived an hour away and I couldn’t make myself want to drive to see you. He lived 8 hours away, and I found myself trying to figure out if I could afford a flight on a whim to go see him. That’s when I knew.

"Love must not entreat, she added, or demand. Love must have the strength to become certain within..."

Wed, 07 Nov 2012 23:53:49 -0500

“Love must not entreat, she added, or demand. Love must have the strength to become certain within itself. Then it ceases merely to be attracted and begins to attract.”

- Hermann Hesse, Demian (via honeyforthehomeless)

You are allowed to love or care for for whoever you want. It’s completely human. If someone...

Wed, 07 Nov 2012 23:38:21 -0500

You are allowed to love or care for for whoever you want. It’s completely human. If someone tells you that you don’t love someone, but in your heart you believe you do, then you do. No one can tell you who you do or do not love. Only you know that answer.

aseaofquotes: Laura Dave, The First Husband

Wed, 07 Nov 2012 23:33:36 -0500

aseaofquotes:

Laura Dave, The First Husband

Lilys of the Valley: The universe can be cruel, waking you up and reminding you of things...

Wed, 07 Nov 2012 23:29:00 -0500

Lilys of the Valley: The universe can be cruel, waking you up and reminding you of things...:

lilysofthevalley:

The universe can be cruel, waking you up and reminding you of things you don’t want to remember, things you’ve put past you, small nudges of memories you’d rather keep buried. It’s a slap in the face, a stab in the gut, jogging your memory of lessons past learned, telling you not to travel down…

You always hated it when I curled my hair. You also always hated when I wore powder make-up,...

Wed, 07 Nov 2012 23:22:00 -0500

You always hated it when I curled my hair. You also always hated when I wore powder make-up, listened to Dashboard Confessional, or bought a new sweater. You hated my sweaters. I know that to you it was just silly things…but these all mattered, and deep down it’s the little things that can cause the biggest rifts. Today I wore a new sweater and curled my hair. All I could think about whenever I got a compliment on either or both of them was how much you would hate them. I guess I should be thanking you for helping me understand that I should be allowed to love what I love, and do what I do, because someday someone will come along who loves those little quirks about me. I’m not denying that you loved me, I know very well that you did. I’m just saying that we weren’t nearly as compatible as we thought we were. Our little fights were actually important. I like to curl my hair and wear powder make-up because they make me feel better about myself. I like to wear sweaters because they are cozy and make me feel warm and safe. I listen to Dashboard Confessional (sadly not as often anymore) because the lyrics take me somewhere, no matter how sad they are. They make me feel at home and give me a sense of calm. These are all things that I will continue to love because they make me who I am. Hi, I’m Bekah, and i’m a sweateraholic. Welcome to my world.

Alone

Fri, 03 Aug 2012 01:14:00 -0400

Thoughts can cut you so much deeper than words. The words can hurt you enough, but when you let your mind take those words and place them in all of the darkened corners of yourself , that’s when you’re in trouble. The idea has been steadily flowing in that I will remain alone. Solid. Just me. For the rest of my life. I don’t want to live that way. There are people who are meant to be alone, and happy. People who don’t want marriage, or kids. I am not one of those people. So to know that even with people that I care about, I’m not anywhere close to good enough. It cuts deep. I don’t care about who they are, it’s a matter of how the rest of the world sees me. If the world sees me as an unattractive, normal, unimportant, blip…I’m always going to be that way. If my own friends think i’m boring, annoying, overprotective, and not even remotely good looking…what does that say about me? Is it fair of people to tell me that image is what you make of it, when no one is there to tell me that i’m not unattractive anymore? This is why I miss him sometimes. At the end of everyday…there was always someone who thought the world of me. Someone who still loved me, even if I had flaws. They weren’t flaws to him. Maybe that says more about my personality than my looks, but I know to him…I’m a 10. I can’t believe i’m more than a 3. I don’t know if I ever will. Even when I feel like I might be approaching a 7, you can place me next to normal girls, and I look like a wilting flower. It’s hurtful. I’m ashamed to think of myself like this, but i don’t really think I can just stop. Honestly, I know every single one of my flaws. It’s not the words escaping from the people I care about’s mouths. It’s the stormy maze of thoughts my brain threw at me right afterwards. The main thought being “You aren’t, and won’t ever, be good enough to not be alone.”

I’ve spent so much of my time staring at city lights. They reflect off of everything in the...

Tue, 31 Jul 2012 22:34:34 -0400

I’ve spent so much of my time staring at city lights. They reflect off of everything in the dark, and it’s such a peaceful thing to look at them and know that it’s just another night. Another night where children are read bedtime stories, new couples are having dinner together, old couples are watching tv and eating popcorn, singles are out on the town, laughing with each other. The lights are also a reminder that on the outside, things can always seem so peaceful and bright, but inside it’s so complex and sometimes dark. It’s a curious thing, the feeling I get when I look at the lights. Like my heart wants to leap from my chest and go flying across each and every one of them. I feel like I am alive, and even though I’m alone, so are the lights. Individually they aren’t nearly as beautiful as they are together. Just because you are a single light that feels alone, doesn’t mean you are. You have to look at it from the view of a plane. You are surrounded by other lights, and you are beautiful. I look at the lights to remind myself that i’m not alone.

You’ve come back, and I have nowhere to hide. No one is there to cushion the blow. I’m...

Mon, 16 Jul 2012 00:29:08 -0400

You’ve come back, and I have nowhere to hide. No one is there to cushion the blow. I’m just running in circles, trying to think of anyone, anyone but you.

Oh hai...

Wed, 11 Jul 2012 21:42:54 -0400

If you wanted to come home with me, you can sleep in my bed. And I don’t even care if you wake me up when you leave in the morning. You can hold my hand, or just cuddle, or you can just lay there sleeping next to me. All i require is your presence. So don’t worry about the “neverminds, I should go homes, or maybe nots” because you can get everything you need with me.

Flash Point

Tue, 10 Jul 2012 11:30:16 -0400

So, i’m ridiculously happy.

I remembered how to do things in CSS, and it made me feel like a boss, and i just wanted you all to know ok, so that’s cool, because noe I shared that.

But really. I’m going to do stuff for the logo using CSS and photoshop, and then i’m going to do my make-up, and then i’m going to eat chocolate chips while watching netflix, and then i’m going to go to work and own that place LIKE A MOTHEREFFING BOSS!

-Kay, bye. :]

FUCK.

Mon, 09 Jul 2012 02:03:41 -0400

You just had to walk back into my life. It was all fine until you said “Fuck. I miss you Bekah. Seriously.” Then every single wall of “I’m over him.” fell down completely. You’ve been gone for so long, it caught me off guard to hear from you out of the blue tonight. I haven’t been thinking of you often lately, and maybe deep down you could sense that or something.

I will rip your heart out.

Sat, 07 Jul 2012 19:13:00 -0400

I’m not going to deal with this. My stuff is not up for grabs, and your friends are incredibly rude. You don’t go moving shit and leaving things to clean up, and breaking things at other people’s houses. This is not a party house. People live here and have to use the bathroom, kitchen, living room, and bedrooms. You all need to grow the fuck up. Go home and get a job. Maybe then you wouldn’t be bored at 3 AM because you’d need to sleep so you can make money. Go ahead and spend your money on pot and alcohol. You all look retarded for doing so three times a week. There’s no way your life is bad enough for you to be this stupid. Clean up after yourselves and stop overstaying your welcome. As for the host: be a fucking host. This is a house. This isn’t someone’s house you can leave for someone else to clean up. It’s your responsibility to take care of the people you call your friends. It’s obnoxious to have to tell you that you need to be quiet because your roommates work at 6 am. Learn some goddamn respect. As for cleaning, i’ve cleaned up after you so much. You have no idea. As for money: You are seriously one of the biggest mooches i’ve ever met, and someday you’ll learn that your roommates will not hesitate to replace you with someone who can afford what you can’t. We are not your parents. We are not blood relatives. We are not letting you live here for free. We are not adopting you. You are responsible for yourself. Learn it. The rest of us have. Maybe once you learn that, you can learn that your friends use you to get weed, alcohol, and a place to chill so they don’t have to do it at their house. Guess what? All 4 of us pay to live here, and your end is in deep shit right now, so you might want to tread lightly. It’s ridiculous that I have to call you into my room at 2:30 after being annoyingly jolted awake by your immature friends. It’s even more ridiculous that i have to tell you that you need to limit things to one party a week and minimal groups of people the rest of the time. It’s stupid that i have to tell you that John can’t stay here more than a night or two a week because it’s not only against the lease, but it’s fucking annoying. This is not just your place. This belongs to 4, almost 5 people, and you have the lower hand. I’m just so fucking sick and tired of your shit right now.

As for you other two: Tell people when you have a problem, don’t shrug when you are uncomfortable with something, don’t make me deal with this shit alone, and I love you both. Thank you for paying things on time, cleaning, not throwing shitty parties at 2 am, and being mature enough to handle living in a town-home with other people.

She's gone

Thu, 28 Jun 2012 00:35:17 -0400

I lost my soul that night out on the roof. It floated away from me alone with all of my hopes and tangible dreams. All that’s left of me is a shell. Empty, cold, unwilling to find an owner. Whats the point anymore? I’m sick of constantly disappointing myself. This roller coaster of emotions needs to stop. I need off. I don’t want to see anyone. I don’t want to hear anyone. I don’t want people to sit, staring at me, not knowing what to say or do. Sometimes what i say and do matters to no one. Nothing is moving right now. I have nothing to really live for. My goals are all being shattered, one by one. I’m loosing my capability to love. To feel. People need to stop using me as a backboard. I’m a person. I’m capable of being something if someone would care enough to help me back onto my feet.

Young Blood

Mon, 25 Jun 2012 22:55:41 -0400

Today was rough. In a major way. The images hit me like bricks and I finally realized that what i want isn’t going to happen. Right now i’m destined to be alone. I don’t know why, and i don’t really want to be. The house where the sun shines through the windows and glistens off the plates set around a table where warmth and comfort lie. The ability for me to love. To teach. To be genuinely happy and proud. To not bask in disappointment. That’s not now. I’m in such a rough, dark place. No one seems to notice. Why should I be? I seem to have a lot going for me. Friends, a town home in the city, a family, a potential full time job, a new business that is taking off. I’ve got what so many people that are older than me crave. Independence, stability, people to talk to. I don’t have affection. I don’t have deep love. I can’t let myself get emotionally attached to anything. It all looks like it’s perfect from the outside, but i haven’t been able to sleep. I don’t eat right. I don’t live. I’m numb again. I can tell because the images that hit me today made me feel warm inside, like i could be alive. I didn’t feel upset for those split seconds, until i came back down to earth to realize that i’m not allotted that life. My yearning gets me no where, and my affection belongs to someone it can’t. I’m stuck in a rut.